From the mouths of babes.....

I've seen this cute little (activity? note? carnival?) thing around on FB and in blogland and I couldn't wait to try it with Jade.
Since I'm getting over being sick and getting ready to go out of town, today seemed like the perfect opportunity. I have to mention that Jade and I had this conversation one evening after dinner. She had had a long nap, so when The Hubs took O up to bed, I took a few minutes to ask her these questions.
Here goes!

Me: What is something mom always says to you?

Jade: Those little hands are going to get you in trouble.


Me: What makes mom happy?

Jade: Being excellent. Being good. (being excellent? Good grief, I sound like one of those moms!)

Me: What makes mom sad?

Jade: Being disobedient


Me: How does your mom make you laugh?

Jade: Saying jokes. Like, 'Hey, missy!' (she said this in a gruff voice, sort of like a man's voice. I have no idea what she is talking about.)


Me: What was your mom like as a child?

Jade: Doing a good example. Sapphire, I love you. (yes, she used my first name)

Me: How old is your mom?

Jade: 20% (HUH???)


Me: How tall is your mom? (I'm 5'3)

Jade: Very tall. Like this. *stands up in a chair*


Me: What is her favorite thing to watch on TV?

Jade: News *yawns*


Me: What does your mom do when you're not around?

Jade: Rest. (*snort* Don't I wish!!!!)


Me: If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

Jade: It will be for grown-up things.


Me: What is your mom really good at?

Jade: Teaching me. (Awwwwwww......)

Me: What is your mom not very good at?

Jade: Spanking. *BIG yawn*


Me: What does your mom do for her job?


Jade: Ummm…..*she goes into gibbereish*.
Me: What?
Jade: More gibbereish.
Me: *rephrasing* – What is mommy’s job?
Jade: Mommy’s job is to teach us.



Me: What is your mom's favorite food?

Jade: Tacos (that is not my favorite food.that’s just what we had for dinner). Mommy, may I go take a nap?


Me: What makes you proud of your mom?

Jade: Saying WOOHOO yeah *clapping hands*. And, when you put on a DVD. Mommy, I want to go take my bath. Now, please.

And with that, the interview ended. Between the yawns and the gibberish and the clearly articulated desire to go to bed, I decided against finishing this little activity tonight. I'll find another time to ask the final questions.

This was so much fun. Please do this with your kids and let me know. I can't wait to read the answers. Especially if you have kids of different ages, like four and eleven. I would be fascinated with their different answers.
Here are the remaining questions.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
17. What do you and your mom do together?
18. How are you and your mom the same?
19. How are you and your mom different?
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?

This is sooo not happening!

Remember when I wrote this post? It was on a Friday night. The next day news of the Swine Flu was all over the place. I started getting nervous, thinking that I had the dreaded condition. Then I was even more nervous because I had publicly outed myself. I imagined one of my readers alerting the health authorities and they would ask Blogger for my IP address and come find me. I could see them storming my house yelling, "Twenty-three nineteen!" just like they did in Monsters Inc.

Then I saw myself walking around like this:








I tried to get Tamiflu on the black market. I was too scared to go to the Urgent Care or even my Doctor's office because in my mind, if I went to the Dr. and I had swine flu then I would be marked as patient zero in my area. But if we went and I didn't have the swine flu, I might catch it from someone in the Dr.'s office.
I was paralyzed with fear. Until.....
I started getting better. And then I exhaled. There were no reports that people got sick with swine flu and then got better without medication. People got sick and if they didn't get medical attention they died. So if I was getting better then I couldn't possibly have the swine flu...right?
But then, I woke up this morning and I feel sick again!!!
Aaagh!!!
Yes I am neurotic. I thought you already knew.

Happy Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day and you should be doing what you love to do best. But just in case what you love to do best is blog hop, and somehow you found your way here, I wanted to have something special for you.

Today I am remembering all of my mommy friends who have lost a child. Whether you had your baby for a few weeks in utero or for many years on earth, if you have experienced a loss, then this poem is for you. I pray that somehow, some way you find a little modicum of peace, if even for just a little while.

I also want to shout-out all of my mommy friends. You all have a very special place in my heart. I haven't known you the longest, but somehow you tend to trump my other friends at times. I think it's because we are taking this very singular journey together. There is nothing like motherhood and I'm so glad that you are my companions on this road. I love you!!!

Finally, I'd like to say thank-you to my own mother (who is a complete nut job, btw) who gave me life and raised me to the best of her ability. Mommy, I'm going to try to stop judging you. You were dealt a hand and you made choices. Sometimes you did what you thought was best, sometimes you did what you thought you had to do. Sometimes you did what the hell you wanted to do, but that's life. Anywhoo, our experiences make us who we are and if it weren't for the perfect combination of your skillful parenting and colossal screw-ups, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. And one day my kids will say the same.

Here's to you Mom!!!

But, I'm MARRIED!!!!

K, the same thing happened to me!! Not only was I pretty young when I had my first child (24), but I totally have a baby face. I look so young that many times people don't think that I am a youthful looking adult; they really assume that I am a child. It doesn't help that I dress very, uh, casually, don't wear make-up and pull my hair back into a ponytail unless I have a specific reason not to (just in case you're wondering, leaving the house is reason enough in my book).

This makes for sometimes interesting, sometimes just plain annoying situations when I'm doing adult things like, paying bills, banking, grocery shopping, getting an oil change, etc. The worst happened when I was about eight months pregnant with Jade.

My OB's office was adjacent to the hospital and I had developed a weird affinity for the hospital cafeteria's food. Sick, I know. Anywhoo, I walked over to the hospital to get a grilled cheese sandwich. Well, I came across two older women and as I neared them, I made eye contact and give a small smile of hello. Instead of returning my polite gesture, one woman actually rolled her eyes, yes, ROLLED HER EYES and started talking to her companion,

"Dese young girls today just make me so sick. Out here gettin' dese babies and don't even know what to do wit 'em. Got their legs open to every Tom, Dick and Harry and runnin' around here wit NO SHAME, big bellies and all. Somebody need to whip their ass and teach 'em how a lady is spose to act. Hmph!"

O. kay. She intended for me to hear this. She intended to give me some shame because in her estimation I didn't have any. Only, she didn't know that I was an adult, I was married and I was gainfully employed.
So what did I do? Did I put her in her place? Did I put my hand on my hip and start working my neck and let her know just how wrong she was? No! I was eight months pregnant. I went to get my grilled cheese sandwich. I sat down at a table and as I ate the sandwich, I cried my eyes out. I kept saying (to myself, mind you), "but, I'm MARRIED!"
Then I went home and told my husband that for the duration of my pregnancy I refused to leave the house without him by my side.

This post was inspired by K over at Interstitial Life who is also dealing with Mean Girls.
Go read her, she is an amazing writer. And guess what! Today is her SITS day!!! Wooohooo!!!!

Why Thank You! You are too kind!

I am recycling an earlier post that never got any comment love. This is a problem that I am STILL having, so please take a read and give me your thoughts.

I don't know how to take a compliment. Every time I am complimented, I have to deflect, defer or qualify. Every time. If you compliment an article of clothing, I'll either tell you how old it is, how cheap it was or from whom I borrowed it. I have a ten month old baby, so people will often say, "You look great for just having had a baby." What do I say? I tell them that I actually am gaining weight right now, that I was terribly sick while I was pregnant and didn't gain any weight, so really there was nothing to lose. I tell them that six months ago I was a size four, so really what you see today is no cause for compliment. Why can't I just say thank you? Is it because I feel disingenuous accepting a compliment that I don't feel 'worthy' of? Is this a sign of some desperate, deeply rooted insecurity? Or is it because I love to talk so much that I will seize any opportunity to launch into a story?
Just yesterday I was in this very situation. I was at a luncheon with a group of my husband's colleagues (most of whom I had never met before). One woman said, "You don't look like you just had a baby." The following conversation ensued:
Me: Well, it was almost a year ago, now.
Woman: Well, a year ago is 'just' to me. You look great! ***see, here the poor woman is just trying to reiterate her compliment, do I get it? Nope...read on*****
Me: Well, to be honest, I'm actually gaining weight now. You see, I had this condition called hyperemesis when I was pregnant and I lost 45 lbs. during my pregnancy. So, four weeks after I had my baby I was like, a size four. Now, I'm just trying to hold it steady.****About 30 seconds into this monologue the woman started looking away and fidgeting, probably wondering how she got into this conversation***
Woman: Well, you look terrific! ***walking away*** Excuse me.

WHY? WHY? Why do I this? So, I need some help. What's the best way to accept a compliment besides just saying 'thank you'? Especially in a cocktail party situation where you don't have relationships with the people to whom you are speaking and you want to be a good conversationalist?

Rambler says Back the Eff Up

So, I was over at The Rambler's place today where she was totally putting people in their place regarding Personal Space and it reminded me of this recent incident.
I was picking up a few things at the grocery store. While in line, the woman behind me was totally invading my personal space. She didn't have a cart, just a couple of items that she held in her hands. The cashier finished ringing up my items and I was just about to swipe my debit card when the customer in line behind me walked right up to me and said, "Excuse me."

More than a little surprised, I stepped out of the way. She proceeded to pull her debit card out of her wallet and was about to swipe it when I asked, "What are you doing?".

She looked a little confused and the cashier informed her that I had not finished my transaction. She apologized and stepped back. I made light of the situation joking that if she wanted to buy my groceries she was more than welcome.

Okay, but seriously....how much of a rush do you have to be in to say "Excuse me" to the person in front of you?

At the ATM, the bathroom, all of the personal space invasion places, do you ever have to excuse yourself when it's your turn? No. You know it's your turn when the other person walks away.
Can you imagine someone coming up to you at the ATM and saying, "Excuse me. You done?"
Dude. You'll know I'm done when I'm gone.
Seriously!

This post was inspired by The Rambler who hits the nail on the head. Go read her, she is a total rock star!

Can we PUH-LEASE be on time?

Great post! This is so my family, but we are worse. Much, much worse. We're hours late.
We typically don't leave the house until we are already thirty minutes or more late for an event. I know that sounds like we do it on purpose, but we don't. The only time that we are on time is when I am a total drill sergeant about it. I forgot to mention this to the Bantering Blonde, but what I do when I put my mind to it is work my way backward. Let's take a family dinner that starts at 4pm.
Take the time that the event starts and subtract 15 minutes. That's my ideal arrival time. 3:45

Then take driving time (in this example 35 min). Add 15 minutes of padding and subtract that from the answer to question 1. That's the time that I want to leave the house. 2:55

The entire family must be downstairs and dressed at least 20 minutes before we want to leave the house to pack snacks, do hair, lotion knees and elbows, find shoes and any number of other last minute things that pop up right before you walk out the door. 2:35.

It takes the four of us at least 90 minutes to get bathed and dressed (it takes me and the kids twenty, the rest is all The Hubs. oops...did I just call him out?) 1:05.

2 hour naps must be taken before we get ready. Kids must go down at 11am. (this is it's own countdown, but I won't get into it here. snack must occur such and such minutes before nap time to allow time for poop. it sucks when the babies go down for a nap and have to wake up thirty minutes into it to poop. They never get the full nap after that...I digress.)

So there you have it, in order to get somewhere on time by 4pm, we have to start planning at 11am. Hence, we are never on time!!

As a matter of fact, once we had the complete indignity of thinking that we were nearly 2 hours late for a family event, only to find that they had intentionally given us the wrong start time. In reality we were on time!
That's when you know your reputation is utterly and completely ruined.
Found you from Real Life Sarah.

This post was inspired by the Bantering Blonde who is always late....just like me. Only she's trying to do something about it!

Real Life Sarah totally rocks! She puts up a Mr. Linky every Monday for whatever you want! No memes (or carnivals. I am constantly getting those confused) required. What a way to pay it forward! Just be sure to visit the other bloggers!