Counting Calories, now? Say it ain't so!!!

I joined caloriecount.about.com this weekend, as I really try to get serious about my weight loss. This was my introduction and as I typed it, I realized that lots of my bloggy friends don't know the whole story, so here it is.

Hello!!

I am a just turned 30, stay at home mom of two great kids. My daughter Jade is 4 1/2 and my son Onyx is 18 months. I am 5'3 and currently 148 pounds. My goal weight is 125, but that is kind of my fantasy goal weight. I would be happy at 130, if I could stay right there.

My history with weight loss is tied to my sugar addiction and my emotional eating. I lost 30 pounds when I was in college. I had a demanding job and demanding school schedule and I ballooned up to almost 150. At the end of that semester, I got serious about working out and eating right. I was down to 120 and eventually gained back about 6 pounds, but held it steady at around 126 until after I got married.

After marriage and the stress of being a new wife, having a relative move in with me and working and going to school, along with having a job where the treats were plentiful (I was a private school teacher. Free lunch, candy for the kids, bagels in the break room, birthday parties, holiday parties.....you get the picture) within 9 months I was almost 140 again. 137 to be exact. I know because they weighed me at the Dr.'s office right before they told me I was pregnant. I had just told myself that I needed to go on a diet.

I have a condition called hyperemisis, so during pregnancy I have an incredibly vicious form of morning sickness that afflicted me for 5.5 months at all times of day. I lost 25 pounds in my first trimester. Over the course of my pregnancy, I gained 35 pounds for a net total of 10 pounds gained. Trust me, I was miserable and wouldn't wish hyperemisis on my worst enemy.

After I delivered Jade and began nursing, my weight stabilized at a lovely 126. Woohoo!!! I was ecstatic. Add 12 months of snacking like crazy, indulging almost every whim and I was still only 132. That's one thing I finally noticed about myself, I gain slowly and lose slowly which has deceived me in the past. But I'm empowered now because I recognize it. Anywhoo, a year later I was closing in on 140. I started a workout regimen, but barely changed my diet. To make a long story short, by the time I discovered that I was pregnant with my son, I was 157.

I knew what was going to happen and consoled myself with the fact that this time, I would definitely keep it off. As expected, I was absolutely miserable and couldn't keep any food down. The hyperemisis gets worse with each pregnancy and this time I lost 38 pounds in my first trimester. Again, I eventually started gaining and ended with a net gain of about 15 pounds. And again, once I delivered and began nursing I was around 124. I went to a formal dance about two months after I delivered my son and wore a size 4 designer gown. I looked incredible!!! Jaws dropped when I entered and all night I heard, "Didn't you just have a baby?" Oh, what a wonderful night that was. Too bad six months later I was already up ten pounds.

I knew the routine, so this time I really tried not to allow the same thing to happen, however, at the time I Didn't realize that I gain and lose slowly, so after a week of eating horribly, I would weigh myself and see no change, so I would keep eating what I wanted. Or after a week of working out and watching my diet, I would see no change, so I would say, "It's not working!" and go back to eating whatever. At my son's first birthday party I was 136.

I stopped nursing in March and have put on ten pounds since then. I am vowing to stop it right here and right now. I refuse to let sweets control my life. Because, basically that is my problem. I like sweets. Cookies, cakes, brownies, ice cream, sorbet; I like it, I want it. But not enough to watch my weight and health get out of control. I'm nipping it for myself and to be a good example to my kids.

Plus, I plan on rewarding myself with a boudoir photo shoot when I get to my magic weight. I think that will motivate me to keep it off.