Do you put your BUM on public toilets?

This is so funny to me , because I'm known in my moms group as perfecting the best public potty position.
In my experience most public potties have been too tall for my daughter to squat. So I place one arm behind her back and one arm under her knees. She places one arm around my neck. And the key is, she relaxes her body, bends her knees and drops her bottom down low. This position is so much easier on my body. I hold her very low, her bottom is almost IN the toilet. But she is so tiny that she doesn't touch the seats. The urine goes straight into the toilet.
The dropping of the bottom is key, because once we were at a nature preserve and she had to go outside. She was nervous and didn't drop her bottom. SPRAY!!! It was worse because we had JUST gotten there. My socks were wet! Gross!!!

Anyhoo, the kids might be used to squatting in public restrooms with their parents, but may have associated the Zoo restroom with the school restroom since they were on a field trip. So technically, to them, they were 'at school'. Maybe? IDK!

Ok, last but not least, I just had a field trip with my daughter to the zoo and like I just explained, my daughter knows the deal. Well, guess what. The restroom had child sized toilets. When she saw that she wanted to go 'all by herself'. Get ready for the ick factor. I let her.
EWwwwwww!!!!
Ok, guess I'll go post this over at my blog since I've had writers block the past few days! LOL!!!

This post was inspired by MamaLaw.

Read them.....they'll need witnesses for their insanity pleas!!

It's getting hot in here!!!

Since we're on the topic, I just have to mention those giveaway blogs that make you jump through hoops if you want to win. You know the ones where they say, to enter just leave a comment on my blog. And for extra entries, blog about this contest, tweet about this contest, re-tweet about this contest, grab my button...what else do they say...oh yeah, go to the company's website, sign up for their e-mail alerts, pick out which item you want, come back here and tell me all about it but leave each sentence in a separate comment....WHEW!!! It's enough to make your head spin!!!!

I did that once for a friend blogger (different from a bloggy friend) and of course, I didn't win, but good grief! Who has the time for all of that?

This post was inspired by Queen of Spain, who is definitely turning up the heat in the blogosphere.
Read her.....I love a good debate!!!

Defecaloesiophobia

So this was my bright idea. It's just an experiment, so I guess I'll know if it's working if I lose another follower. LOL! Anywhoo, it's kind of like Jeopardy style blogging. I'll give you the comment (the answer) which is so interesting that you are motivated to go read the question (the original post). It's a great way for me to share my favorite bloggers. yes? Ok, now this first one is a little much, but bear with me, okay?

Hmmm....my uncle had butt surgery a few years ago and he came home with a special butt pillow. So when Chuck gets home Junior will forget all about your cool neck brace and start harassing Chuck, "Hold it!! Hold it!!"
ROFL!!!
Then he'll be all mad at both of you 'cuz you won't share your new toys.

But back to Chuck, I had those things when I was pregnant. The worse part was the Defecaloesiophobia. You have to get over it in order for it to get better. But don't worry, if Chuck has that problem he can call these folks and they will help.
What, was that TMI?
This post was inspired by.....Frogs in My Formula

Read her...she's hilarious!!!

Wait....Don't go!

I can't sleep. I think I'm coming down with a summer cold. Ugh! My throat is so swollen that simply swallowing saliva feels like swallowing nails. And my head feels like that chick in those commercials. You know the one whose head swells up like a balloon? I never got those commercials until now. Plus, my body is achy. I thought it was just from my workouts, but now I know better.
Ugh.


So anywhoo, after my last post, I lost one follower. I had six followers and now I have five. Come back, my friend. I was just joking. Did I say weeks? I meant hours. See, I'm here right now. Posting.

But actually, I have found that my writers block does not persist when I'm leaving comments on other's blogs. Maybe I was just lacking inspiration. Tonight, I just left three mini-blogs in comment fields .Which gave me an idea. Stay tuned.

Soooo......

I'm having a really hard time getting back in a blogging groove. So I'm just going to visit your blogs for the next few weeks.
So leave me a comment with your favorite blogs to visit, so I can make the rounds!!

Cheers!!!!

Mini-Me Strikes Again

Ok, so this is hilarious.....

Remember when I was talking about how things you say to your children come back to bite you? Well, because I feel like Jade is constantly asking for something, I have told her in the past that my name is not "Mommy-may-I-have". It came back to bite me big time.

So, it's a few days before my trip and I am as distracted as ever. I'm thinking about all the things I have to do before I leave to make sure things go smoothly for me and my family while I'm gone. Onyx is napping. Jade is sitting at the kitchen table having a snack of graham crackers and dried pineapple pieces while coloring and I am at the sink washing greens (to cook for their dinner while I'm gone) and washing dishes. Don't ask me how you wash greens and dishes at the same time, you just do!

So, Jade asks if she can have more graham crackers. This makes me realize that it is really time for her to have lunch, but I want to finish the dishes and the greens before Onyx wakes, so in that distracted mom type way I answer her without really answering. "Honey, it's almost time for lunch. What are you going to have? We only have a little bit of curry chicken salad. I guess I'll make you a grilled cheese sandwich."

She somehow cuts through all the extraneous crap and gets to the heart of what she wants to communicate, "I don't want grilled cheese. I'll just take the little bit of curry chicken salad."

Alas, poor Jade doesn't get either the chicken salad or the graham crackers because I am distracted mom. I just stand at the sink and continue washing. My mind has already gone on to something else. Jade keep coloring.

About 8 minutes go by and she asks for more dried pineapple. This again brings me back to the present moment and as I look at the clock, I note again (as though I hadn't just noted this 8 minutes ago) that it is really her lunch time. Again I mention that there is not enough curry chicken salad for a suitable lunch and once again I suggest grilled cheese instead.

Jade: No grilled cheese. I'll just take the curry chicken salad.

But once again, too bad and so sad for Jade. Distracted Mom is here to stay. I continue washing and she doesn't get the chicken salad, the grilled cheese or the pineapple pieces. She keeps coloring. Honestly, I don't know what was wrong with me. I guess I was just really intent on finishing up what I was doing.

So a few more minutes pass and Jade tries again. This time she asks for water. It's like everytime she asks for something I am again reminded that the girl needs lunch. So, I snap out of it and say, "Jade, I'm so sorry honey. I am going to make you a grilled cheese sandwich right now."

Jade snaps. She sucks her teeth (loudly!) and says, " You know what, Mom? Nevermind!" (She is four year old, people!)

I am shocked! I am so shocked that I don't even comment on her rudeness. I exclaim, "Whaaat?" As in, why are you saying nevermind, not who do you think you are talking to.

She lays into me (you just have to imagine this with a four year old accent for lack of a better term):

I told you a long time ago that I don't like grilled cheese and not to make it anymore. I TOLD you that I wanted a little bit of curry chicken salad, but you keep asking me over and over and over and over again, do you want grilled cheese! My name is not Jade-do -you want!!!!!

O. kay. I just picked my face up off the floor and gave the girl some curry chicken salad, crackers and fruit. And I haven't mentioned grilled cheese since.

The Funeral

When I was growing up my mother had a small group of cousins that all had children around the same age as me. These women did all things kid related together. This was the 80's so you have to imagine they were yuppies. They took us to the Poconos and to Sesame Place several times a year. They had elaborate birthday and Halloween parties for the children. We had huge Easter egg hunts and Fourth of July barbecues. And in between major events we just had sleepovers. Those cousins were like my siblings. They were a part of the fabric of my childhood. All of my major childhood memories involves one or all of them. One of them is the cousin who recently died.

Because my cousin was in Germany when she passed, the funeral wasn't held until nearly two weeks later. Which meant that the service didn't have that raw emotional element that it would have had if we were burying a 31 year old mother of of two young children just a few days after her demise. We had all had time for the knowledge to sink in. We had already argued with God, asked why, realized that there was no explanation and tried to develop a strategy for moving on. The service was more like a celebration of her memory and a time to see faces that we haven't seen in years. Of course, this is all from the extended family's perspective. Her mother, father, daughters and husband (married only two years! can you imagine?), I'm sure, are still in a state of shock and despair that they will be dealing with for the rest of their lives.

Though it was a sad occasion, it was really good to see so much of my family that I haven't seen or talked to in years. I guess it's true what they say about funerals and weddings.

I am really going to make the effort to not get so caught up in the little things and really think about life from a big picture perspective. Family is important. I wish I had learned this lesson before I lost my cousin.

I'm Back

I'm back from my trip. We got back Sunday night around 10pm and my dad arrived Monday afternoon around noon. He has prostate cancer and is having cryosurgery performed by a doctor in my city, so he will be with us for 10 days.
Anyhoo, I have lots to share with you and will try to get back to the computer some time today.
Happy Day!!!!

Confession Part 1

In light of yesterday's Oprah, I've decided to confess some things that I've been holding in.

1. Sometimes I put my kids in the bathtub, put a few drops of soap in the water and swish the water around. I don't actually wash them.
2. I've pretended not to hear my son crying for thirty minutes or more, hoping that his crying will eventually wake up The Hubs.
3. I'm pretending not to hear him crying right now. The Hubs is getting ready for work, O is crying. I told Jade to play with him. He's still standing here crying. I'm ignoring him. Finally Jade says to me, "Mom, O is crying. Don't you care?" WTH! Why do I always have to care? She didn't even ask The Hubs! Argh!

But most of my confessions have to do with my blog.....

1. I really don't have the hang of this blogging thing.
2. I don't really blog about the things I really want to talk about.....I'm barely scratching the surface here.
3. My cousin died......we grew up together and she was just 1 year older than me. I was devastated....but I didn't blog about it. I'm making the 14 hour drive to the funeral. I'm leaving tomorrow and I have a million things to do to get ready. But I'm really stressed about not having my blog maintained.

Okay.....I feel a little better now. Actually, I feel closer to you. I'm glad we had this little chat.