Mutually Exclusive

Today I realized something...Jade and I have come to a point in our relationship where our happiness is mutually exclusive. What makes her happy makes me miserable and vice versa. I realized this after a couple of weeks of constantly saying 'no', 'stop', 'please don't do that', 'are you making a good choice', 'what in the world', and yes, even the occasional 'are you crazy?' has slipped out. Jade responds to these statements by ceasing the behavior but also pouting, stomping away, slamming down the offending object, and even throwing herself on the sofa and dissolving into a fit of tears. The quiet following her angst is pure bliss to me however I feel a little guilty because now instead of playing happily she is sulking. Conversely, on those occasions when I try not to be a wet blanket and allow her to make 'music' by banging her silverware on her dishes and the table, hide in my kitchen cabinets nearly taking them off the hinges as she gets in and out, stand on my furniture, swing a jump rope helicopter style in the house and of course my biggest pet peeve, talk (scream) at the top of her lungs, I find myself longing for a straitjacket and a padded room. Sooo, what to do?